I got out of the car and walked with my little fat brother into the school I have been dreading to go back to since June 11, 2002. Sure, I was thinking of all the people I might go see, but I’m not exactly the “people friendly” person. Once I shoved a kid into a table by the face, then stabbed a kid in the nose with a pair of tweezers, and then held a pair of scissors to a wrestlers throat, but these were all the things kids got away with as

“middle-schoolers” and freshman. This was Junior year and it needed to be adventurous.

            I a woke in the morning and felt like shit, although all the mornings were like that. I walked down the stairs shortly after I was done wiping the dog drool from my face for that’s what woke me up today. I had a bowl of choco puffs and then I put on a light my blue shirt, blue jeans, and a white t-shirt under it saying “Smash head on keyboard to continue.” I waited for the bus at my next-door neighbors house, only cause it would reduce the time so I could hang out with my friends longer. I waited maybe five minutes before I got on the bus.

            I sat in the eleventh seat on the left side of the bus, because it was the only seat without someone in it. People spoke, maybe a little too loud, but in any case it was off to school for the first day. The only thing at that time that I was thinking about was my girlfriend and why I was still with her when I felt that I didn’t know her that well.

            I walked into the school, knowing that the second side door was unlocked, while the other kids would you the “main” door, but what the hell it was closer. I walked around a moment trying to find my friends, when the bell rang for an assembly to introduce the faculty. I only wondered who would be my seminar teacher, because the one I had got busted with drugs. Shortly after the boring assembly was over I left third out of the four high school classes. That’s just the way it went seniors, freshman, juniors, then sophomores. The only thing I thought was “Thank God we didn’t leave last” because that’s what it was like the first two years.

            Continuing to my first block class, which was American Literature, I found myself with only one or two friends to talk to. So I sat with them as the teacher, who looked close to her retirement, spoke what her class was going to be like and that it shouldn’t be thought of as a “S.P.E.D class.”

            After the bell rang to end my already boring sounding English class I headed to my seminar class, where I found a beautiful girl slightly confused. I walked up and asked her if she needed help and sure enough she did. She was an exchange student and couldn’t find her seminar, so eager to help the long lost beauty I showed her the way, and yet she had the same class as I did. I sat diagonally behind her and couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I mean who could with those ocean blue eyes, the white ivory skin, and the sandy blonde hair Although I liked her I found out she was taken while she was writing an email back to home.

            I walked into the library shortly after lunch, because I wanted to do something considering I didn’t have a class. I picked up a book on German and checked it out figuring I could at least learn so someone (Mainly the beautiful exchange student, Tatjana, could have someone remotely familiar with her language to talk to). I checked out a book and an audio book too. I borrowed the conference room from the librarian, Mrs. Sutton, and a cassette player. I popped the cassette into the player and listened learning a few words like; Good morning, good afternoon, hi, sorry, and normal things to start conversation.

            Football games went by and so did the weeks (Then again they went by faster with my community college class). I finally decided to go to a dance in mid September and fun I had plenty of. I came home and asked my mother if I could go, but I had nothing to back me up cause my parent always hate it when you ask to do something with a crowd last minute. It didn’t bother me, I asked my mom saying softly “Is it alright if I go to a dance tonight, it starts at 9:00 and ends at 11:30.” She shook her head at first then I added “Well I bet Charlton asked you last week to go to that soccer game last week.”

            Sure enough after walking my dog around the one-mile block I took a shower and slapped on some casual clothes. I thought not a bit about the lovely German exchange student I liked, only cause she was taken and I’m not the type to pull two people away, I walked down stairs and my Mom ironed my shirt. After all my getting ready, I was ready to go. I got there early; I guessed it started at 9:30, oh well. I waited there with some friends until they went off to smoke a cigarette. I walked in the building with another friend named James. Shortly after we walked and helped a teacher make some punch another person came it. It was a girl, whom I have liked since my eighth grade year. She walked in with a smile, like normal as James walked up to her and in his happy mood afford her a hug. Maybe I was jealous then again maybe I wasn’t, but I knew there was no hell of a chance of me landing her, that’s probably why I’ve never done anything in 3 years. James and I started to walk around until we bumped into my ex-girlfriend.

            Later when the dance first started I walked around for a bit waiting for someone particular, mainly Tatjana. I found someone else though first, a girl who was with me the day before when I was talking to Randi Mae, her name was Tara. Randi Mae was having lunch the day before with me as Tara came up to us and teased her that she should go to homecoming with me. I just sat there thinking we should, but seeing as how Tara was slightly annoyed about the topic I decided to keep my mouth shut. She came into the cafeteria turned dance floor with a pair of blue jeans and a gray t-shirt, but she looked good anyway even if she was only 4’8, it didn’t bother me I was only 5’1. Tara and I hung out and danced for only a moment to begin with then I had to go get a drink when I was done the D.J. decided to slow things down at the wrong time, I swear I knew it was gonna happen, Melissa (my ex-girlfriend) came up to me and offered to dance and I had to do it, for the DJ announced that it was “girl’s picked” and I just didn’t wanna say no and make her a fool so I dealt with it and went to the floor and danced with her. She put her arms around my neck and I knew it was gonna be a long time. One song ended and with this DJ being an asshole to me played another song. I tried my hardest not to push away from her being that she was petting the back of my neck and I didn’t want her to do it. The only thing I was thinking was “Why is it when you tell a girl your going out with that you wanna break up and be just friends does she keep hitting on you?” I just let her do it that once, I only thanked God she didn’t do it again. The song ended finally and I walked away saying nothing. I caught up to Tara, when I saw Tatjana leaning against a table sitting on the edge of it with her arms folded. I walked up to her and asked “What’s wrong with you, most people dance at a dance.” She smirked and first and then went back to a small frown and she replied “Nothing I’m just upset.” “About what?” I asked seeming to be a bit curious.

            The next thing she said was “I don’t wanna tell you.” I laughed a bit and she smiled again a brief moment “Then I guess since you know that I know a bit of German you can explain in German and I’ll try to comprehend.”

            She started to speak and I just couldn’t hear her over the overly loud crapy rap music. I acted casual and since I figured that she thought I knew that I had no clue what she was saying I nodded and acted like I heard everything. I shrugged “Ok” was all I could say, I guess and “I hope everything gets better.”

            I returned to dancing with Tara and maybe twenty minutes went by and the DJ slowed things down a bit again. I only thanked God this time and asked Tara to dance with me. She led me to an area with her friends, who I had been dancing with anyways. She reached up slightly and I put my hands around her waist. I guess I lead, if you could call it that, but I was only good at the slow dancing the rest of the fast stuff I left to my feet to do the fancy work, I guess why they call it “Fancy foot work.” She smiled and looked at me saying “No one has ever asked me to dance with them before.” I looked at her and smiled back saying “Well there’s a first time for everything.” “Yeah, but you haven’t went on a date to a dance and not dance with your date,” she commented. “Well, when and who did you go with?” I asked. I lead her closer to her other friend that I knew she wanted to be by and she answered, “Paul Oster, last year at the Sweethearts Dance, my sister hooked me up with him, I don’t think I’m going to homecoming this year, unless I have a date.” I chuckled a bit and smiled “I think I’m not going three years in a row to homecoming without a date I’d feel pathetic.” The song ended and her friend and I all got into a circle again casually dancing the way we wanted to. A friend of Tara’s named Ashley came up to us, for we were still next to each other, and she asked us if we were going to homecoming together. Tara replied immediately “No” was all she said. I turned facing her “Well I would go with you, but I haven’t asked.” She stopped dancing for a moment and I just continued then I put my balls to the walls and asked by say, “Well, would you like to go to homecoming with me?” The only thing she did was smile, and for a moment I felt rejected, like in the movies when the guy asks the girl and the girl smiles and changes the subject. The next thing I heard was “Sure.” I felt so much better, but it was kinda weird when I thought about it. I was a Junior and I finally asked for a date. No kidding, it wasn’t typical for me to do.

            I went home and for the first time I thought to myself “Bye bye Melissa..so long adieu, bon voyage.” It made me feel good, cause every time I turned around she flirted with me, and now she probably though I was going out with her. Then again were talking about a girl that I broke up with and she kept telling me that she still wanted to be with me and the Friday before she made out with some other guy. I only thought I was funny seeing people tell me the Monday after seeing as how I didn’t care, I mean we weren’t going out and if she wanted to do that then that’s her business.



            It was Sunday morning and I woke up around 7:50 A.M., but that was normal for church. I went down stairs, not remembering that my brother, Charlton, had invited a friend to spend the night considering his room door was shut like normal. I sat in my dad’s chairs that’s only been around for God knows how long. I turned on the TV for a moment to see if anything was on and sure enough, for 8 O’clock in the morning there was nothing on the T.V that morning.

            I went out the door and got my bike from the shed and headed to Timmer’s, my best friend in the whole world, but by accident. See Timmer and I have the oddest friendship in the world. Timmer is what most people call a “jock” and well I’m just mostly a well hung back mellowed shadower, or to you the guy who hangs out in the back of the room and you think is a genius, but really isn’t at all. Well in any case the reason we became friends was when we met each other. Timmer’s dog Lady was fairly new to the their family and ran away one day, a day I found her crawling around in a ditch and a creek. I tied her to the big tree in the front of my house and the next day their they came picking up the dog. So basically if it wasn’t for me finding Lady Timmer and I would never have been friends. We went back to the church and had our normal youth group meeting, while the adults were taking a Bible class. I thought a long time about Tara and what would happen until homecoming in October, maybe she would find someone else then again, maybe “I was her man for it.”

Chapter 3

Holy shit...she’s making a move...yeah I’m watching... can’t belive I’m sitting here watching her flirt I said to myself. I didn’t know what IO was thinking why did I get her to do that it was only bad on my record, but there she was that girl that I’ve hidden my feelings from since the day we practacally got to know each other and there she was flirting with a guy that I’ve known for 2 years. Finally she stood up and I knew he was just checking her out, especially her ass, but they were flirting even slightly as much as most people couldn’t see it. Then she walked away and headed for me while I was typing everything I was thinking. I got up for a moment and came back realizing she got there before me and began to read what I just wrote, I only thought “Damn it I should have deleted that immediately.”



A week went by that I barely got any sleep, and food, but that was the normal when I was just torutring myself with thought. I got to school and to seminar and like normal I was sitting at a computer and  Tatjana was sitting next to me, and behind me was Melinda, who was very nosey might I add. I was just relaxing and typing a paper when Tatjana was talking to Melinda saying that she wasn’t going to homecoming.

            It was a week later in seminar when I was sitting at my computer just checking mail, and relaxing with my camera for my photography class, when Tatjana came in as normal and sat next to me. I only noticed that here “cousin” would come in later claiming that she had “keyboarding” work to do.